sigh sigh

to be able to see with my own eyes how mothers suffered before and after pregnancy was indeed a new experience for me... the 5 minutes or so when i saw how the mother used all her energy and strength and the pain she endured trying her very best to push her dearest baby out left a deep mark in me... i cant exactly feel how much pain they are going thru but by looking at the pain they endured since contraction was REALLY SOMETHING... no wonder a mother's sacrifices is valueless...nothing can be compared to all the sacrifices they went thru.. to be able to see the birth of a new life made me realise how precious life is... as i remembered a line "To realize the value of nine months: Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born"..no one could ever feel the grief of that unfortunate mother...

when i told mum about that, she made me realised how i had been so rebellious last time... im terribly sorry for all the pain that i have caused from last time even till now.. no matter how naughty, stubborn headed and rude i could be at times, my parents still love me as who i am.. i realised that i had hurt them deeply in many ways but they never ever leave me alone, instead would sacrifice so much for my future... i couldnt ask for more but to pray hard that everything goes on well with them... i pray to GOD to bless them abundantly and i pray for their well being and to remain healthy... each time when dad or mum told me of something, my heart really goes all out for them but i cant do much, only words of comfort..that made me feel worse to the max, and left me in deep melancholy... though they asked me not to worry, my heart just doesnt feel right... sigh sigh sigh...

i wana express my happiness, sadness to my very important person,but i guess i should leave him alone now.. i just cant bear to think of the 'coldness' he showed to me... i was hurt but he doesnt care... or maybe he does.. but thats his part...though its damn horrid to keep my silence, i will try my very best... im tired of always having to be the initiator... its more than enough... u dont value me as u said... i regretted for telling u the truth... it just increased ur egoness... but i wont take back my words.. it will another of a history event that i will erase FOREVER ... i just need some time to breathe.. my cyanosis fingers and breathlessness syndrome are still haunting me... just wish i could know wat;s wrong with me... sigh sigh sigh...