im sorry..

to hurt someone that means a lot to me is like tearing my own heart apart.. i know it was my fault, but i really dont mean to hurt him... i know he wont forgive me no matter how many sorries i said... i know he doesnt want to see me suffer... i know he cares about me... i know he tries to ease my burden.. i know he's trying to do everything just to ease my pain.. but i really dont wan to burden him.. i dont want to see him suffer coz my heart suffers with him too. anyway, last nite was the first time he was so pissed with me... it was the first time he said ' for the last time, are u going to the dr or not... im giving u the last chance before i go mad and pissed off...' and when i insist of saying no.. he TOTALLY ignore me... sigh... i know i should have said 'yes' but i dont wan to lie to him... it was my fault to tell him what happened yesterday...im just so stupid... i darent talk to him anymore coz i can imagine his angry face... sigh... and i know how he doesnt want to be disturbed when he's pissed...

"im truly sorry but i know no matter what i said, u will NEVER listen anymore... please dun leave me alone... i dont wan to lose u as a fren... sorry...."

anyway, another thing i dont understand when ppl keep saying i hate a certain person when i dont... i just dont see that person as a true fren and i cant believe that he wana meet me and talk to me face to face... if he insist, i dont mind... and wat really surprised me that these ppl can cry while talking about how to appreciate ppl around them... sigh... what is going on? is it something that i've said that really make some sense to them? or was i just too direct to really 'slap' them with my words??? haih... i just need a break... my breathing is getting a bit tough again... i hope to enjoy myself in genting... my study schedule doesnt work..after reading 3 pages, i slept for 2hours...sigh... cant be help dee...