just crappings

ROOMIES

before i came to sabah, i was so worried when it came to the issue of getting new roommates. i had bad experiences back in AIMST and i certainly didnt wan history and nigthmares to repeat...i could still remember praying to GOD to bless me with good roommates whom i could get along with. i guess my prayers were answered and im glad to have 3 roommates who i will NEVER forget... atiyyah from kelantan, nijjah from sabah and siow hui from johor. each of us have different and weird characters...but it was fortunate that we get along well with each other... :))i being the eldest in the room was like a mother... hahaha... tapao for them if i were to go down to the cafe or went out with my group members till people who saw me asked whether do i have to eat so much..kakaka...i am usually the one who slept the latest...kinda get used to it dee ler...and of course, the latest to wake up also ler...then, nijjah would the earliest to sleep most of the time... both she and siow hui luv to sing while they are studying...memang layak to masuk any singing competition dee... hehe... atiyyah, will the the one whose alarm clock will wake all of us but not her... hahaha... kinda surprising too...coz i will be the one waking up not her when her alarm sounded for a few rounds...i will NEVER forget the coffee smell in our room as me and siow hui need our 'energy booster' to keep us awake... atiyyah and nijjah rarely drink coffee unless they are too sleepy... then, hehe... our gossip time when we are too bored or we managed to get some juicy info... hehehe... at that time, we were thankful for having each other as roommates as we are not choosy or fussy... more like 'give and take'... during the last week of exam, we were more like movie and drama marathon rather than studying... hehehe... siow hui was on her novel marathon even before the exam starts. but as the semester came to the end, the fear of having to change roommates really haunt us... we are trying our best to stay together... just hope that some miracles will happen somehow...no matter what, i will NEVER forget the times we spent together and it will remain sweet in my memory... im really glad to have them as my roommates... we do share some of our problems together... and yeah, each time before any of us were to present in the seminar, we will give our moral support... that's the spirit... take care my dear roomies... bubye room 1.02, blok B, kampung C...

MY DEAREST FREN..JT
at last i did manage to complete my first year...
waiting for the result was so horridit was so suffering
but thank GOD..
i managed to pull through so many obstacles to complete...
like what the lecturers like to mention...
u're now 1/5 of a doctor.....
i dont really know how bad my grades are
i dont really care at this moment
i just wana go back to be with my family and my dearest frens...
i dont know how to mention the feelings...
but i wasnt feeling alright after i saw the msg
my heart was screaming in pain...
why?why is it happening?
how could this be happening?
how could life be so painful to certain ppl???
how could life be so cruel to certain ppl???
someone once asked...
how could GOD be so unfair to certain ppl?
i dont know the answer...
i will NEVER know...
why certain ppl have to suffer all the time?
why certain ppl have to endure pain all the time?
why certain ppl have to undergo the harsh way?
but...why others arent contented with what they have?
why others dont appreciate with what they have?
i remember i started saying...
NOTHING is fair in this world...
and i will keep that in mind always...
my dearest fren...
i wish i could just fly back and be with u after i read ur msg...
why didnt u inform me earlier?
why didnt u share with me ur probs?
why didnt u open up?
why do u have to be so selfish?
why do u have to do this to me?
why didnt u keep ur words?
have u forgetten our promise to be with each other?
every time...
im the one who open up...
im the one who msg u whenever im down
im the one who msg u wheneverim sick
im the one who msg u whenever im suffering
im the one who msg u whenever im happy
im the one who msg u whenever i need advices
im the one who msg u whenever i need opinions
im the one who msg u whenever i need comfort...and...
im glad when u called or replied my msgs
u made me felt that im not alone...
u made me felt that im being cared...
u made me felt that im being loved...
but...i cant understand...
why?
why didnt u do the same when u're down?
why didnt u do the same when u do need some comfort?
u know very well i care about u more than myself
u reminded me of that when i was sick...
u made me feel so bad and guilty i can hardly close my eyes and sleep..
im thinking what i should do when im back
im thinking what i should talk to u when im back
should i pretend everything is ok?
should i pretend u NEVER told me that?
should i just be silent and let u speak?
should i just lend u my shoulders?
should i just give u a hug to comfort u?
i wish i know what else to do
besides praying to GOD to guide u through...
im so helpless...pls teach me

KY...
if loving someone is so suffering...
why do we have to love???
i thought i am strong enough to pull through
i thought i am determine enough to let go
i thought i am strong enough to erase the memory
i thought i am determine enough to move ahead...
but how much have i succeeded?
why?why my heart aches each time im alone?
why my heart scream in pain each time memories of u flow back?
why do tears just roll down when i saw ur photo?
why do tears just roll down when i remembered ur comfort voice?
was it a mistake that cant be forgiven?
was it a mistake that changed our lives?
was it a mistake that jeopardized our frenship?
u know very well i fear to be alone
u know very well i fear of losing a fren
i fear of going for the check up..
but
im keeping my promise
a promise to my parents and frens who truly care for me
im struggling silently
im pulling through silentlyi know its gonna be a severe condition
i fear...i really do...
i do wish u would accompany me...
but i know it will NEVER happen...
i will NEVER tell u ...
coz i know im long forgetten...
i know i dont have a place anymore in ur heart...
u no longer care
u no longer understand
u no longer know me...
u were NEVER there for me
and u will NEVER be there for me...